It is my greatest fear, yet firmest conviction…
That when I “pop out” the other side of life. When I reach that “Light At The End Of The Tunnel”, every single shred of my current consciousness will be absorbed into a bigger, more fully realized version of my consciousness that has not been limited by X, Y and Z axis in time and space.
Like dream details. They are lost. My mind tells me that in my dream “I was at school”. Not that I was in an auditorium resembling my high school gymnasium…
Additionally, “I was naked”. Not that I chose deliberately to go to and enter a public forum without clothes! In dreams we are often the victims of some prank being played where we “wake into our dream” just to see how we will react?
Similarly, as I awaken from this dream of reality into the reality of reality that is one layer above this reality; I will realize the reality is, that I was not dreaming, rather I was experiencing.
My consciousness is a being that exists without form and confinement to time. However, those are not positive attributes necessarily. They are the reason why my consciousness seeks an opportunity to experience time, and space. Only within the confines of time & space can consciousness convert feelings into ideas into tangible things. The thought of feeling the wind on your face is lost in space. To truly have experiences, one must experience this reality.
Wait, am I simply ripping off Rick & Morty
S2:E2 Roy: A Life Well Lived?
No! They animated the popular “Virtual Reality Life Simulator” ideology, that was also presented in “The Matrix”.
Rather than jerking upright and gasping for air, like poor Neo. It is hopefully more akin to Morty removing the helmet… without the pursuant violent outrage…
This “Reality is a Virtual Reality” in and of itself is nothing more than theory. It becomes a spiritual pursuit when I consider the following:
If there is reality on a grander scale…
Then I am here on Earth because I am either a child of a god who sent me here deliberately…
Or I was cast down here as a form of punishment…
Or I chose to put my timeless shapeless consciousness into a reality simulator on fucking purpose.
Ultimately, what is the best way to “spend time”?
I have had so many flavors of Christianity thrown at me.
For me ultimately, this the belief that when I die, I will awaken with a powerful realization that “Oh shit! Jesus IS the Christ!” And I will drop to my knees and start begging for forgiveness.
Sorry followers of that faith. IF you are right…I would be so angry!
I am nothing more than a puppet! This glorious “God the Father” , I pray to? He who, maybe will answer my prayers…maybe not?! Maybe yes…maybe no….?!
Seriously?! To me, that is not God. The being who demands me on one knee praising his name unceasingly sounds more like that Satan character conjured up to scare me into submission. Into turning the other cheek and rendering unto Caesar without argument. Yeah, Christianity and all Judeo Christians: If you are right? I would rather awake to that realization, in protest! Rather than realize I spent my earthly time desperately trying to please an entity who may, or may not forgive me. An entity who may, or may not cast me to hell.
I most emphatically prefer you keep your version of that god.
And I mean: Keep him to yourself.
This question has entertained my thinker for as long a remember! The day I picked up my Mom’s paperback copy of the Reincarnation of Peter Blatty, and thought to myself…Blatty? That is a weird last name. Sounds like bladder. Not to mention, what is this reincarnation?
My only problem with reincarnation is the math. If there are over 7 billion souls/spirits/consciousnesses on the planet today.
And many of those alive today claim a memory of a prior visit to this mortal coil…Well wait…?! Was there a big waiting queue? If there are 7 billion spirits, but only 2 humans…or 42 humans…or 4,789 humans. What are the other 6+ billion souls doing in the mean time?
At that same young age, when Marlon Perkins of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom was sending his assistant Jim, to flush out the wild White Rhino…I had a deep love, respect and curiosity for all wild life. To me, it seems all life operates on a series of pre-programmed capabilities coupled with an ability to learn to a degree. So, I could reincarnate into anything that is alive, maybe, right?
Maybe a plant? Maybe a tree? Those would be some weird experiences. They could also be torture!
Think of being trapped in a body where you are not capable of sound. Your arms are useless except to flail about. You cannot ambulate on your own except to wriggle and writhe fruitlessly in space. That describes the existence of most plants and lots of snakes! What a tough existence that might be. On the other hand, maybe it is an easy existence, free from worry? Free from repeated doubt? No anguish! Clearly, no regrets. So if reincarnation exists, I hope it exists as a way to experience ALL life forms.
And if I extend this experience driven perspective to the Virtual Reality Simulator, you can imagine a whole line up of “reality games” at the Reincarnation Arcade!
Of course, we would have to have Roy, to respect Rick & Morty. But think of it…Jane, King Fred, Warrior Tom, Alaskan Salamander, Red Wood tree, Dung Beetle, Blade of Grass…its a long list!
Every single thought, reaction and moment of this life; like the content on the pages of a book I am reading, will simply be absorbed into the greater story of consciousness that is me?
Will this greater consciousness still be me? Or will I become something more? In the same way a mollusk doesn’t realize the suckered tentacle is but an arm to a much larger octopus: is this life experience going to amount to nothing more than an arm of consciousness seeking some time & space time?
As science looks smaller and smaller at reality, I begin to realize our physical world is an assemblage. Albeit massive. Things are made of pieces, that are made of bits that ultimately get referred to as quantum particles.
Gulp….In a caveman comparison: We are like video images occuring on a specific channel or frequency. We do not realize how many other channels are going on….simultaneously.
We guess: 1 string, 3 strings, 5 strings, 13 strings, infinite strings! We are clueless. Because the moment we stop resonating on our base frequency, we are no more.
And that thought sequeued right into my theory belief that my consciousness is right now experiencing life in this time & space because, my consciousness craves. Or does it run? Damn it.
Ultimately, the truth is out there, and it is coming at me at the speed of light. So how will I live my life?
So that at the end, my bigger me will be ready to either:
A) Do battle with Jesus & The Pussy Grabbers
B) Come Back As A Manatee or Tree
C) Check Out What Else Is Fun At “Blitz & Chitz ™”, Baby!!!
But that’s it. One Million Years? Pfft…Make it One Billion! One Cojillion Years! One Fuhcerinerillion Years! Who cares?!
Here, is where I am today.
I choose to not hide behind a cloak of dogma & routine any longer…
Call it High Functioning Depression with some Intermittent Explosive Disorder mixed in. But I will no longer accept any allegience to any deity. Come and get me if you want me, you son’s a bitches.
My experiences in this life have brought me to where I am. Whether the last million years matters, or only the last 55.
And I tell ya: The reality of here & now, is nothing like what I have worked so hard to achieve.
I find it bewildering that all my efforts keep crashing down around me all because of a few simple quirks. Clearly, I do not understand this world. I hope to be leaving it promptly when I am no longer needed.
But until then, I am stuck in this world with you. And you are stuck with me. If you do not like my stream of consciousness, please go away – there is TOO MUCH SPACE for you to have any valid demands on me, in this one.